This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
