He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
