Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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