Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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