My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
