I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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