My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
