Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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