I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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