words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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