I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize