Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
