Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
