You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize