I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize