I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
