I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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