i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
