She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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