I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
