I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize