I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
