I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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