A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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