I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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