Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
honey bunches of taint.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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