My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
