you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
