then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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