You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
