Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
