dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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