So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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