i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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