Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
