he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
