So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
