I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Found your dick twin last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
