You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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