did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
