Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
