An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
