2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
