Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
