so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
