yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
