I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
