puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
