he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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