Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
