Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's get the cat blown out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
