i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
