just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Go christen that room with your naked body.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
