Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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