But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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