Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
either way he was missing a nipple.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
