her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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