my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she pinky promised me she was 18
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
