ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
