still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
