on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
