Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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