i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
