Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
