can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
