At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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