he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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